We'll live a charmed life

It was late evening. The car cruises on low fuel in tank to head to a gig upstairs. "You're going to meet my favorite persons", he says. A couple of wrong turns and familiar faces away, we part space as I let him mingle with his friends, with his scene.

I don't disregard screamo as noise, even if I don't fancy it at all. I do recognize the song and music in it, but the heat and crowd gets me itching for a cigarette outside.

When I got back in, the spot I stood had a clear view of him. Him, nodding his head along with a smile on his face. That brightens my room.

He found me in the crowd and asked where I went. There are more familiar faces inside, people who remembers my name. We had dinner, we went to town, we hit the box, with vodka lime and 4 jugs of beer, singing our hearts out.

I love seeing him just look and feel happy that way. I realized it doesn't matter what happens to me and what it would take, all that matters is that I can see him happy like this.

A Lamp No. 2 by Ian Broyles via Tumblr

A kiss in the lift, a kiss in the car, a kiss when you say goodbye and leave me wanting for more.

Over cigarettes and weed

Red Ruby

I need to leave you, to find me, to be with you

There are certain things I know of myself. That I'm meant for greatness and nothing less. What I'm bound to do will happen eventually. I just have to adjust my mindset and remove your negative dwellings in me.

I've got something to prove, not to anyone else but me. Which means I'm gonna have to take a back seat from this life. Maybe then you'll find a reason to respect me. Maybe then you would think that I'm worth your while. Maybe then you'd find me to be an equal.

I hate where I am. That limbo, where the mind still denies when the heart and everything else attached gives in. I hate that when I hold you close from behind as you lay sleeping, I can feel my heart breaking in fear and realization, of a thing called 'letting go' and breathlessness creeps in.

I love it when you tell me anything and everything, but hate it that you don't think of what it makes me feel.

I wanna be in the grand scheme of things, take me with you. I don't completely know my way, but I think, if you're in along for the ride with me, everything would be great.

I live in fear now everyday. Would you tell me, that you'll never let me go?

Socrates' Love

Of idealization and devaluation
Of altered state of mind caused by chemical imbalance
Of Titans and Goliath being too similar; clashes of ego impends
Of memories being the best thing you have of me
Of your smiling alter ego being the best thing I have of you

Of all the lies I told
I can't take back a Freudian slip

Chained to the gloomy sycamore
I need a little more ray

Then maybe I can find my way
Then maybe I can fix my flaws

Then maybe both of you would smile
When I spend your while

I hate you, don't leave me

Keeping things in check. Idealization and devaluation in motion. I pray to not be a borderline, and hope that you're not too.

You say they're just words. They hurt more than hot iron that breaks my skin. Because unlike physical pain where you don't relive the previous pain when a new injury is inflicted, hurtful words you hurl in passing brings back memories of the other nasty things you've said before.

Just like when my mother tells my sister to never grow up, or she'll turn out to be like me, I also recall when she blames me for every mistakes that everybody does.

You harping on my personality flaws reminds me of how I can never be good enough to meet her expectations.

And I can't look at the person whose opinions matter to me, but fails to recognize that.

There are days you're so smug and arrogant, thinking you owe nobody anything. I feel like smacking you silly for that.

I'm looking into the possibility that either me or you suffering from BPD.

There's gotta be something wrong with you psychologically.

In a Hurry - Hendrik Will Photography

Vagabonds of Tomorrow

Before the age of 30, I should have accomplished something. I aim to;

1) start a business
2) backpacking hostel
3) lifestyle coffee house
4) euro-trip
5) indo-china trip
6) MBA
7) write a book (Haruki Murakami-style)
8) publish a street-research documentary coffee table photo book
9) fine art photography exhibition
10) buy a property for rent
11) live abroad
12) fall in love and never let go
13) have a beach/garden wedding at night

Chuck E. Bloom

Always trust your instinct. I knew there was something. I'm not blind.


But I do still miss you.

You're my best kiss, drowned and intoxicated at every touch. You're the fear of letting go.

Why are you being so safe with your compliments for me?

Because I'm afraid

There's no need for confessions and announcements
No need for congregations and segregation

Of all I want and all I yearn,
I'll walk away,
If I have to be
number two.

Vicious

Iran, 27th December 1978 as the demonstrators faces off against the army in the Anti-Shah protests.

Full report on Al-Jazeera.

Iran, 27th December 2009 in the mass protests against the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad-run government.

I feel like being unreachable to the general mass till further notice - that includes you

I lie there in your arms, kissing you, staring you in the eyes as our lips munch on each other. I want nothing more than you staring into my eyes when I kiss your existence out of you.

And as I lie there, you in my arms, holding your head close into me, it struck me. Thinking what it would be if something were to happen to you and I couldn't hold you like this anymore, scared the hell outta me and my heart beats faster as I hold you tighter, as if that would change the forces beyond me, and THAT scared even the bejeezus out of me, realizing that I may be in too deep.

Should I pull back babe?

How can I, as you cheer me up after a horrendous day at work.

How could I, if every time you see me you land somewhere close to me.

How would I, if every time I sulk you talk me into smiling again.

How could I, if every time your friends bully me you defend me.

How should I, if my body's in pain you're the one to give me a back rub.

How can I, when these days you're not like before.

Listening to me, loving my company, my kisses and my body, not hiding me.

I know I have a history of being noncommittal and have this minor fear of settling down (with the wrong person). I run when thing get rough or too close for comfort. Words people throw me came back to mind. "You're the sort to cower rather than query when in doubt, especially when you can feel your heart will be involved deeper than you meant to. When people provoke, you feel attacked, and you will stop interacting so that people won't have anything to use against you. But this is when they want you to fight for them."

"You have a problem with commitment."

Do I? Really? But then again, so do you.

It used to be, all about the sex, and the music, and the escapism we share.

Now it's the witness to my life, the conversations about life, politics, news, books, movies, ideal lifestyles and ideologies. About us, our past, present and future. About truth and lies, and the grey area in between.

About you and me, doing it on the balcony with a vibrating condom.

Babe, should I be pulling back from the chemistry that makes us lovers?

Perempuan kau hot.

Vain in Vein

You I punya.

Ok. Sampai bila?

Sampai I bosan.

What if you share me with xxx?

I'm okay, if you're okay sharing me with someone else?

Alaaa, you perempuan, mana boleh?

Why not?! You tamak boleh?

...................

I pun nak tamak, I want you all to myself.

Ok.

You I punya?

I you punya.