I feel like being unreachable to the general mass till further notice - that includes you

I lie there in your arms, kissing you, staring you in the eyes as our lips munch on each other. I want nothing more than you staring into my eyes when I kiss your existence out of you.

And as I lie there, you in my arms, holding your head close into me, it struck me. Thinking what it would be if something were to happen to you and I couldn't hold you like this anymore, scared the hell outta me and my heart beats faster as I hold you tighter, as if that would change the forces beyond me, and THAT scared even the bejeezus out of me, realizing that I may be in too deep.

Should I pull back babe?

How can I, as you cheer me up after a horrendous day at work.

How could I, if every time you see me you land somewhere close to me.

How would I, if every time I sulk you talk me into smiling again.

How could I, if every time your friends bully me you defend me.

How should I, if my body's in pain you're the one to give me a back rub.

How can I, when these days you're not like before.

Listening to me, loving my company, my kisses and my body, not hiding me.

I know I have a history of being noncommittal and have this minor fear of settling down (with the wrong person). I run when thing get rough or too close for comfort. Words people throw me came back to mind. "You're the sort to cower rather than query when in doubt, especially when you can feel your heart will be involved deeper than you meant to. When people provoke, you feel attacked, and you will stop interacting so that people won't have anything to use against you. But this is when they want you to fight for them."

"You have a problem with commitment."

Do I? Really? But then again, so do you.

It used to be, all about the sex, and the music, and the escapism we share.

Now it's the witness to my life, the conversations about life, politics, news, books, movies, ideal lifestyles and ideologies. About us, our past, present and future. About truth and lies, and the grey area in between.

About you and me, doing it on the balcony with a vibrating condom.

Babe, should I be pulling back from the chemistry that makes us lovers?

Perempuan kau hot.