We'll live a charmed life

It was late evening. The car cruises on low fuel in tank to head to a gig upstairs. "You're going to meet my favorite persons", he says. A couple of wrong turns and familiar faces away, we part space as I let him mingle with his friends, with his scene.

I don't disregard screamo as noise, even if I don't fancy it at all. I do recognize the song and music in it, but the heat and crowd gets me itching for a cigarette outside.

When I got back in, the spot I stood had a clear view of him. Him, nodding his head along with a smile on his face. That brightens my room.

He found me in the crowd and asked where I went. There are more familiar faces inside, people who remembers my name. We had dinner, we went to town, we hit the box, with vodka lime and 4 jugs of beer, singing our hearts out.

I love seeing him just look and feel happy that way. I realized it doesn't matter what happens to me and what it would take, all that matters is that I can see him happy like this.

A Lamp No. 2 by Ian Broyles via Tumblr

A kiss in the lift, a kiss in the car, a kiss when you say goodbye and leave me wanting for more.

Over cigarettes and weed

Red Ruby

I need to leave you, to find me, to be with you

There are certain things I know of myself. That I'm meant for greatness and nothing less. What I'm bound to do will happen eventually. I just have to adjust my mindset and remove your negative dwellings in me.

I've got something to prove, not to anyone else but me. Which means I'm gonna have to take a back seat from this life. Maybe then you'll find a reason to respect me. Maybe then you would think that I'm worth your while. Maybe then you'd find me to be an equal.

I hate where I am. That limbo, where the mind still denies when the heart and everything else attached gives in. I hate that when I hold you close from behind as you lay sleeping, I can feel my heart breaking in fear and realization, of a thing called 'letting go' and breathlessness creeps in.

I love it when you tell me anything and everything, but hate it that you don't think of what it makes me feel.

I wanna be in the grand scheme of things, take me with you. I don't completely know my way, but I think, if you're in along for the ride with me, everything would be great.

I live in fear now everyday. Would you tell me, that you'll never let me go?

Socrates' Love

Of idealization and devaluation
Of altered state of mind caused by chemical imbalance
Of Titans and Goliath being too similar; clashes of ego impends
Of memories being the best thing you have of me
Of your smiling alter ego being the best thing I have of you

Of all the lies I told
I can't take back a Freudian slip

Chained to the gloomy sycamore
I need a little more ray

Then maybe I can find my way
Then maybe I can fix my flaws

Then maybe both of you would smile
When I spend your while

I hate you, don't leave me

Keeping things in check. Idealization and devaluation in motion. I pray to not be a borderline, and hope that you're not too.

You say they're just words. They hurt more than hot iron that breaks my skin. Because unlike physical pain where you don't relive the previous pain when a new injury is inflicted, hurtful words you hurl in passing brings back memories of the other nasty things you've said before.

Just like when my mother tells my sister to never grow up, or she'll turn out to be like me, I also recall when she blames me for every mistakes that everybody does.

You harping on my personality flaws reminds me of how I can never be good enough to meet her expectations.

And I can't look at the person whose opinions matter to me, but fails to recognize that.

There are days you're so smug and arrogant, thinking you owe nobody anything. I feel like smacking you silly for that.

I'm looking into the possibility that either me or you suffering from BPD.

There's gotta be something wrong with you psychologically.

In a Hurry - Hendrik Will Photography

Vagabonds of Tomorrow

Before the age of 30, I should have accomplished something. I aim to;

1) start a business
2) backpacking hostel
3) lifestyle coffee house
4) euro-trip
5) indo-china trip
6) MBA
7) write a book (Haruki Murakami-style)
8) publish a street-research documentary coffee table photo book
9) fine art photography exhibition
10) buy a property for rent
11) live abroad
12) fall in love and never let go
13) have a beach/garden wedding at night

Chuck E. Bloom

Always trust your instinct. I knew there was something. I'm not blind.


But I do still miss you.

You're my best kiss, drowned and intoxicated at every touch. You're the fear of letting go.