Vanadis' Avarice

Hati aku lemah. Jika ditimpa bertubi-tubi aku akan mengalami situasi yang most commonly would be called, panic attack.

Heart's racing
Gasping for air
Lips tremble
Throat's Mojave-dry
Hands shake
Head feels faint
Legs fail me
I wonder where all my blood went cos it's obviously not carrying oxygen anywhere it's supposed to

The fear that I can't get out of this overwhelmes me and maybe this is the first signs of how later when Death comes claiming, your body fails you as synapses fail to comprehend and comply.



There's a road that I couldn't cross on my own ever again.

There's a hand I couldn't touch ever again.

There's a cake I can't taste ever again.

There's a voice I couldn't hear ever again.

There's a person who's eyes I don't recognize anymore.

There's a childhood innocence that remains lost and dead the day I took that responsibility as an adult.

There are friends I can never regain for sins of yesteryear.

There's a word I can never say again.

Tiang-tiang seri hidupku roboh runtuh ranap satu persatu ditelan masa dan zaman.

Pohon getah melalang setiap genap pandanganku, berlatarkan balam-balam duri bumi yang menjarakkan darah dan daging, aku pulang ke dunia di mana ini bukan masalah aku, itu bukan perbualan aku, itu kancah senyumku..

Dan aku sedar dunia itu tidak wujud lagi. Dalam gelap jalan sunyi berpagarkan lalang tegap, aku yang sudah lama tidak menitikkan air mata untuk penghuni-penghuni dunia itu, kalut mencari cara agar esakanku tidak mengganggu tidur adik-adikku.

While you pettily look for the vague and unfair line that divides what you want and what I want, I'm struggling to find an equilibrium to set my feet upon.

I need you to hold me when I die inside, as I mourn the lost of life as I know it.

I need you to listen, and tell me everything will be just fine.

photo ©2008 ann lt